just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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