The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
