You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm too high and old for this...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
