what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I faked an abortion last night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
