i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
