So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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