I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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