Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
