Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
