i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
