I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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