So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
