you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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