Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
