i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
