New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
