i may or may not be watching the land before time
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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