So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
