I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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