Please, let me fuck your mom
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
