I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
