a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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