I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
