OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
