Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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