i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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