Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
this hospital has no fireball
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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