We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
