Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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