u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
