I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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