Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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