They should really pass out barf bags in church
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
