I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
