Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
drinking out of a sandbucket again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
