What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Someone came in the potted fern
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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