I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
