Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
