Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
