Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
