His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
