Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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