The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
even my farts smell like vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
