and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
