are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
