He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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