actually, I'm a sock model
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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