That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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