i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We have so much sex to catch up on
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
