You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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