my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
